January 20, 2023 · 5 min · 912 words · Andrew Jury
I mean, listen, it’s great that everyone showed up for Laena’s funeral. She was one of like two characters on this show who are actually good people.
But having every member of this family in one space makes me nervous.
Poor Laenor. This guy’s life could’ve been so different.
Daemon, listen, I know this is part of your whole vibe, but don’t giggle at your wife’s funeral.
Wait, so House Velaryon just dumps all of their family’s corpses in that one part of the bay?
I have so many questions: How well sealed are those stone caskets? Can they trust that the decomposed bodies inside won’t…ya know…leak out, eventually? Because that’s gonna ruin someone’s beach day.
I digress. Anyway, RIP, Laena.
Hang on, I just want to highlight Alicent’s face here, looking at Rhaenyra when she walks into the funeral:
Poor kid is being gaslit about his dad, whose funeral he can’t even go to. TBH, Team Jace.
The TENSION at this frickin’ funeral.
Halaena, still giving strong future-seeing witch vibes. Still loves bugs. Best character on the show.
Aemond and Aegon, still being little assholes.
Wait, did Lucerys just say the line??
He said, “I dun want it”!
Kid’s clearly related to Jon Snow.
Aww, actually, the line after that was so sad, though: “If I’m lord of Driftmark, it means everyone’s dead.”
Aegon’s really downing that wine. That’s exactly what you want to do at a family funeral where everyone hates one another. No way that’ll go wrong for you.
Laenor is absolutely breaking my heart.
Corlys, let your son grieve! Damn!
Daemon’s all, “Yeah, the gods were certainly cruel to your frickin’ face.”
“I’m going to bed, Aemma.” Uh-oh. Uh-ohhhhh. Our boy’s not doing well.
Listen, say what you want about Otto Hightower, but it was very satisfying to see him pick up his shitty little drunk grandson by the arm and tell him off.
Rhaenys isn’t wrong. Corlys tied his kids to this absolutely fucked-up family in his pursuit of power, and he’s paying the price for it now.
But honestly, Corlys is right too. History remembers names. There would always be rumors with Rhaenyra’s kids, but who’s going to actually do something about it?
Ah, now begins the part of the episode where EVERYTHING IS SO DARK THAT I CAN’T SEE ANYTHING.
Oh shiiiiit, Daemon suspects Alicent!
Ugh, it’s incest time again, isn’t it?
This makes me uncomfy; I’ll be back in about a minute.
Oh, they’re still going.
Phew, that’s finally done.
Oh GOOD, more Aemond.
He’s going to steal this dragon, isn’t he?
That little shit. He’s stealing his cousin’s dead mother’s dragon on the night of her funeral???
Buck him off, Vhagar!
You don’t need this kid!
Damn it, he hung on.
I’m sure this dragon flying sequence would be really cool and impressive IF I COULD SEE LITERALLY ANY OF IT.
Oh, so you steal this poor girl’s dead mother’s dragon, and now you’re being an asshole to her about it? What the hell did these children ever do to him??
GET HIM, CHILDREN.
KICK HIS ASS.
Listen, I don’t condone violence, but I would love it if one of our J-boys knifed this prick.
YES!! I mean…I’m totally not cheering at a child losing an eye.
Viserys is asking some very important questions here. How on EARTH did these guards completely miss all of this happening? A DRAGON LANDED ON THE DAMN CASTLE.
Poor Viserys, all he wants is for his family to get along. The man just wants a picnic with all of them. He wants a trip to Disneyland where they all have matching family shirts.
Okay, WOW, Alicent just straight-up asking Ser Criston Cole to CUT OUT A CHILD’S EYE.
And I’m pretty sure he CONSIDERED it for a second!!
First good thing he’s done in weeks is turn down that request. Yeesh.
OH SHIT, ALICENT’S GOT A KNIFE!
That dagger. Hoo boy, that dagger has really seen some stuff over the years.
Okay, if the queen tries to stab the princess, there has to be consequences, right?
Wait, of course not. Vissy is still king, so nobody gets punished for anything.
Rhys Ifans is such a tremendous actor. I mean, so is everyone in this cast, but you wanna talk about range? This man is playing Otto Hightower but also played this guy:
Aww, this scene with Rhae and Laenor is nice. There’s some healing happening here.
Poor Viserys keeps having to go on this stupid ship to Driftmark. Somebody needs to fly him on a dragon next time.
Larys is straight-up just like, “Hey, heard you wanted a child’s eye cut out? I got a guy for that.”
And Alicent’s just like, “No thanks…yet.”
Wait, wait. They’re not killing Laenor, are they?
TELL ME THIS IS AN ELABORATE RUSE.
This poor man has lost SO MUCH and you’re gonna murder him??
How horrible is this for Corlys and Rhaenys, though? They just lost both of their children within, like, a week of each other.
And now the world’s grossest wedding!
Like, the uncle-niece incest wasn’t ewww enough; we needed to add blood to the equation.
I was like, “YOU COULD HAVE JUST SENT HIM AWAY.”
May he live out the rest of his days in Essos in peace. I still feel bad for Corlys and Rhaenys, but tbh, not that much.
At least one character gets a happy ending on this show. They’re hard to come by.
